It was not the first time I saw the Virgin Mary. But it was the first time I saw her in a cracker. I understand she’s been seen in Dorritos, tortillas, on toast, and even in a biscuit. Partial to snacks, I guess. I’m not going to say anything here about women and food. Maybe the Virgin Mary figures appearing in snacks is the best way to communicate with Americans. I understand that in England she appears in tea bags. She’s also been seen periodically on walls, and in trees. I can understand why she might be in a tree, but can’t quite figure why she’d want to appear on a wall, unless maybe to speak to graffiti artists, or spread-eagled crime suspects waiting to be frisked.
I think I remember seeing her in a video, but, oh wait, that was Madonna. Sorry. Easy to confuse them, y’know, with the veil and all. Similar names, unblemished reputations, and complexion.
The question I have is “Why would the Virgin Mary want to appear to anyone anyway?” It’s not like she’s wanting to be popular, or anything like that. If that were the case she could open a MySpace or FaceBook account like the rest of us. No, I think maybe she just likes the notoriety of popping up for a few minutes here and there, get people talking about miracles again, keep herself in the news just enough to not be forgotten, then she’s gone. You know, kinda like Michael Jackson.
Or maybe it’s not about her at all, maybe it’s really about getting people to remember that, even though she’s a virgin, she’s got a pretty cool son. Maybe she’s curious if anybody cares about him anymore, or even remembers him. You know how mothers are about their kids, always looking out for them.
And I understand he takes after his mother. I remember reading that he showed up not too long ago in a grilled cheese sandwich.
Yeah, like mother, like son.
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